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Reg Bailey Saves The Children ?

June 7, 2011

No art this time. Just a little politics… in the UK the Leader of Christian Group the Mother’s Union, a man called Reg Bailey has presented a report to the government, and despite him having no qualifications or expertise in this area, they have agreed to implement it in a voluntary, nobody-really-has-to-do-anything-much-but-it-might-divert-attention-while-we-‘modernize’-the National-Health-Service kind of way.

One of Reg’s big target’s was the humble ‘lad’s mag,’ friend of many a spotty teen looking for a nice rude lady to admire in times of loneliness. Now Reg, in his role of Grand Children Protector General, deemed it very harmful that these magazines might be on eye-level with a child as it is looking for its favourite comic, and  this would ‘sexualize’ the child and it would go all slutty and get pregnant, possibly right there in the shop. Also, these magazines, with their smiling pretty women on the cover, would give growing lads the wrong idea about women, and they would think they were only there to be pretty and smile and stuff.

In Reg’s report, all such magazines are to be put on the toppest shelf, or covered with a thick brown paper bag. Nothing’s too much when it comes to children’s well-being of course, and the sight of a happy, pretty young lady can’t be good for them.

However, of the other magazines on display, Reg was curiously silent. It seemed he and his HUGE ARMY OF OLD LADIES did not find anything worrisome in the magazines bought by women. Sure, the women on the cover tended to wear more clothes, thanks Jesus. But the surrounding text, that any child that could read… well they didn’t seem to think this was a problem. No journey to the top shelf for these wholesome periodicals, in fact, like The Sun and other salacious tabloids, no mention of them at all.

So let’s have a look at both types of magazines, and readers can see why Reg & His Lady Chums found it so easy to identify the mags that would warp a child’s fragile mind forever, and which are perfectly safe and harmless.

Thanks Reg, thanks to you our kids can once more enter a newsagent without fearing for their innocence.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. lazy greyhound permalink
    June 8, 2011 3:09 pm

    Fair enough, much of what Reg and his crew say is misguided and spectacularly misses the point. But I can’t let the fact that you’re not comparing like with like go unchallenged. I realise this was intended as a humorous piece but I know of no young teenage girls who read the likes of Chat, That’s Life etc. They’re aimed at an older demographic and their readership reflects that. The important issue is sexual message framing. It does everyone a disservice if young people (male AND female) are encouraged to see one another in such limited terms.


    • June 8, 2011 3:38 pm

      Reg’s worry, like Stop Pimping Our Kids before, was what covers were in the eyeline of children looking for their Peppa Pig comics. Hence they needed to be moved to the top shelf or put in bags – so they couldn’t be accidentally seen.

      And if you think no teenage girls read these magazines, well, I can’t prove it but they do…


  2. Justin Ian permalink
    June 8, 2011 3:53 pm

    Damn, you’ve distracted me from the latest lovelies at Ah well, where’s the Kays Spring/Summer 1980 catalogue, that’ll do me for later.


  3. June 8, 2011 4:07 pm

    Kays 80? That’s old school! Don’t forget to check if there’s a nude one under the sunbed.


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